STOP Overthinking It!
LaShawnda McLaurin is a licensed clinical mental health counselor offering counseling and coaching services to women, exclusively online. She specialized in anxiety counseling, anxiety, fear, and worry coaching, trauma, and relationship issues. If you need a therapist visit McLaurin Mental Wellness.
So I have a few questions for you. Have you ever laid in bed at night trying to go to sleep only to have your mind thinking about a situation to no end? Have you ever had to do something and before you even begin you think of every possible scenario that could happen? Maybe you’ve needed to have an important conversation with someone and you spend hours worrying about how the conversation will go causing you to think and think and think about what you should or shouldn’t say? If this sounds like you, you may be plagued with OVERTHINKING! We’ve all done it from time to time, but for some of us, overthinking is a way of life. It’s how we process everything and what we do before making any decision. Unfortunately, overthinking often leads to unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety. So let’s discuss some root causes of overthinking, what overthinking can lead to and how to decrease it, and get you off of that hamster wheel of overthinking.
The Hampster Wheel
I remember when I was in 6th grade we had a class pet. Do they still do that in school nowadays? Anywho, my class had a pet hamster. Every weekend someone had to take the hamster home with them so it could be taken care of while the school was closed. Somehow, my parents agreed that I could take the hamster home one weekend. Now, I was low-key afraid of the hamster. I didn’t like to hold it because it felt weird in my hands so thankfully, in its little cage it had some things to keep it entertained. It had the little water bottle and most importantly, it had the wheel. Now that hamster would just run and run on that wheel. Hop off, get some water, then jump back on it. The purpose of the wheel was to give the hamster something to do. It made the hamster feel like it was going somewhere, but really, it wasn’t. Yall see where I’m going with this? That is what overthinking is like. It is the process of your thoughts spinning and spiraling, but no real progress is being made. Once you are done thinking and thinking and thinking, you haven’t gone anywhere or done anything beneficial. Most likely, you’ve just tired yourself out and like that hamster, you need some water and probably a nap.
What We Overthink About
Everyone has something that they tend to overthink about. For some, they overthink about making important life decisions. Some overthink about small daily choices. Some people overthink about what steps to take to achieve their goals. Do you know what I overthink about? What to eat. Lol. It’s such a simple thing but when my husband asks me “what do you want to eat” it’s like the hardest life decision ever to make. Maybe that’s because I’m greedy and everything sounds good to me, but this is just an example of how we can take small things and let it take up so much real estate in our minds. I asked a few people who are close to me what they overthink about the most (notice I didn’t ask them IF they overthink, because I know the answer is yes), but I asked several of them and I was shocked that they all had the same answer. They all overthink when communicating with others. It’s the question of “how will they interpret what I say?” “Will I be misunderstood?” “What are they going to say after I say this?” “What can I say to ensure they understand me and aren’t offended?” All of these thoughts and questions and before you know it what should be a quick email or text message has turned into an hour-long internal debate of what to say and how to say it. These are just a few areas in which we overthink, but literally…we can choose to overthink about ANYTHING! Take a moment and think about it. In the last few days, even a few hours, what have you spent a lot of unnecessary time thinking about?
I know some of you may be thinking right now “why is she saying this is unnecessary?” Because you feel like this thinking process is absolutely necessary when it comes to making a decision. And I understand your sentiment. However, I’m here to inform you that it’s not helpful and it’s not healthy. Here is where we get to the why part. The reason why we overthink is because of what I call the mental health trinity: fear, worry, and anxiety. There is a difference between rationalized solution-focused thinking and worrying to the point that you spend days and nights thinking about the same things over and over without coming up with a solution. This just feeds your anxiety and fear. When we overthink we often think about these things: what might happen, what we are afraid of, and what the consequences of our actions will be. This stops many us of from even taking a step toward the direction we want to go into because we can’t get past the thinking process. This is plagued with “what if” and “I wonder” and “this might happen.” These thoughts can be paralyzing causing you to delay progress or to never make progress at all.
How To Stop Overthinking
So for some of you overthinking is such a way of life you’re thinking, why do I need to stop doing this. This is what I’m used to. This is my go-to process. Well, let me tell you what overthinking often causes. It causes stress, feeling overwhelmed which can lead to depression, excessive worry which can lead to anxiety, and downright confusion because we often take something simple and make it complicated.
Now let’s jump into the how. How do we cut back or stop this overthinking process altogether? Here are a few steps to help you out.
Snap out of it
You have to catch yourself spiraling and going down that deep rabbit hole of thoughts and snap out of it. Sometimes we do things, even unhealthy things, so naturally that we don’t even realize that it is happening. The first step is to notice what you are doing. Have you ever been driving and you’re so in a zone that suddenly you look around and you can’t even remember how you got there? You were just on autopilot. This is what can happen in our thoughts as well. You can be so used to overthinking that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. It’s as natural to you as driving home. But you have to snap yourself out of your daze and realize what’s happening because during this process all you are doing is causing more doubt, fear, and worry. You must realize what’s happening and snap out of it.
2. Get to the root.
What triggered all of this? Sometimes we think so much that we can’t even remember what initiated the whole process. In order to become more solution-focused instead of worrying, you must come up with the root issue. What is the main question you are asking yourself that is causing you to think for hours or worry for days? Figure out what the true problem is and in order to do that you have to peel back all those extra thoughts and get to the root issue. Typically, when we are overthinking about something there is fear. You may need to ask yourself, “what am I afraid of?” If I do this thing that I’m thinking about what do I fear will happen? If you’re overthinking a conversation, you have to ask yourself “what am I really worried about here?” When doing this, sometimes you’ll realize that there is nothing to fear, other times you will see that there is cause for concern, but instead of worrying and overthinking you should do the next step and that is to plan and work.
3. Get To Work
Write it down and create a plan. After you discover what needs to be done and you make your plan, now you have to get to work. Overthinking makes you feel like you’ve actually done something when the truth is you haven’t done anything at all. Have you ever had a day when you spent the whole day thinking about stuff and when the day ends you feel like you did a lot? You actuality haven’t been productive at all. You feel exhausted, your mind feels like you’ve done a full day’s work, but you haven’t accomplished anything. You just had a whole bunch of thoughts. Don’t let your thoughts distract you from getting things accomplished. Overthinking can be a way to seem busy without getting busy. You’re running in place. Spinning on a wheel. Rocking in a chair…you’re moving, but you aren’t going anywhere. Get to work. Come out of your thoughts. Leave la la land and start doing. Say to yourself that before the day ends, I will have done something, ANYTHING, in reference to this situation other than just thinking about it. Challenge yourself to follow the steps provided here to come out of your thoughts and get back to real life. If you want help getting to work, click here to learn about The Anxiety Management Group for Women.
Overthinking doesn’t have to be a way of life for you. By decreasing and stopping this habit you can decrease your anxiety, sleep better at night, be more productive during the day, and worry less. Just try to snap out of it, get to the root of the matter, make a plan, and then get to work.